


For the Man Who Has Everything

by FagurFiskur



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alien Flora & Fauna, Drama, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Mind Meld, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FagurFiskur/pseuds/FagurFiskur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the morning of his thirtieth birthday, Jim Kirk is discovered comatose in his quarters. While his friends race to find a solution, Jim gets to experience a life where his family is alive and well and he is engaged to his first love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in September, 2010. Based on the Superman comic For the Man Who Has Everything but you don't need to have read it to enjoy this story. Beta read by snowglow1275.
> 
> Has now been translated into Chinese by woundlikes! Can be found [here](http://www.mtslash.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=99619&extra=page%3D1)!  
> 

Thirty years.  
  
It had an odd ring to it. Looking back on it, Kirk couldn’t count all the times he had in all certainty  _known_ that he would never reach that age. But he’d been lucky, extremely so, and now here he was, one short hour from that seemingly unreachable goal.  
  
It wasn’t really an accomplishment in on itself. Lots of people turned thirty. Lots of people didn’t though, and that was mainly what Kirk remembered. His father had been just over a year short. His brother, almost a decade.   
  
Turning his mind away from such depressing thoughts Kirk ordered himself another drink. He hadn’t planned on drinking tonight, but then he hadn’t planned on going on shore leave by himself just because his best friend was busy in sickbay and his… lover? Boyfriend? Whatever, his Spock too pissed off to even say goodbye before Kirk had beamed down.  
  
He could have asked other people to come to the bar with him of course, but he hadn’t much felt like it after his fight with Spock. Kirk didn’t even remember what they had fought about, it had been stupid but they had both been too stubborn to back down. This wasn’t the first time it had happened either.  
  
Sometimes Kirk wondered if they had made a mistake. Maybe they never should have crossed the line from friends to whatever it was they were now. The sex was great and Kirk could honestly say he cared about Spock, but sometimes it seemed like more trouble than it was worth. They just had too different ideas of what a relationship should be like. The feeling usually passed quickly, but sometimes it lingered.   
  
The bartender set his drink in front of him and Kirk downed almost half of it in one sip. It was bitter and burned on its way down and Kirk just knew that tomorrow he would be nursing the hangover from hell. Not that he was a lightweight, but whatever he was drinking was extremely potent and fast working, and probably not meant for human consumption. After a moment’s thought he pushed the glass away and stood up. He had tons of paperwork to catch up on tomorrow and it wouldn’t be very professional of him to beam back to the ship completely shitfaced.  
  
Sometimes being captain really sucked.  
  
***  
  
As was customary on the morning following a one day shore leave, most of the officers on Alpha shift bore clear markings of the previous evening. Some were exuberant and energetic, having used the short break to its full extent to unwind and relax. Others were tired and irritable, having enjoyed too much “relaxation”. As long as none of them were late and it did not affect their work, Spock had no interest in it.  
  
But someone was late.  
  
Fifteen minutes into the shift and still there was no sign of the captain. Although Spock didn’t let it show, he was growing increasingly worried by the minute. Jim was never late. No matter if he was injured or tired or in no shape to be on the bridge at all, unless he was confined to Sickbay Jim was always on time.  
  
Was it their fight the previous evening? Spock doubted it, as the captain had never let his personal life affect his work before. Perhaps his alarm had malfunctioned. It seemed slightly more probable, but usually any and all malfunctions, not matter how small, showed up on the ship’s computer. And there was no sign of anything amiss in the captain’s quarters (but there was something suspicious going on in the Engineering room, no doubt Mr. Scott’s endless experimenting with the ship’s engines).  
  
It could be because of the date. Although he had made every attempt to hide it, Spock knew today was Jim’s birthday and that event always brought out painful memories for his captain. But no, again Spock sincerely doubted that Jim would let it get in the way of his work.  
  
The most likely explanation was that the captain was injured or sick. Injured or sick enough so that he could not make the trip from his quarters to the bridge. Injured or sick enough perhaps, that he could not wake up at all.  
  
“Mr. Sulu, you have the conn,” Spock said. He swiftly exited the bridge, unsuccessfully trying to stave off his concern.  
  
Spock arrived at the captain’s quarters and finding them locked, quickly punched in his override code. The sight that greeted him was an eerie one. The room was lit and the alarm ringing incessantly but Jim was lying in his bed, his eyes closed and his body unmoving.  
  
Spock rushed to his side. Jim’s breathing was shallow and his pulse weak, but it was definitely there. The Vulcan allowed himself a sigh of relief. He shook Jim, but it soon became apparent that he would not wake up.  
  
He contacted Sickbay.  
  
***  
  
Kirk blinked, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. He was lying in a soft bed, completely naked. His clothes lay on the floor next to him, along with a green summer dress and a small pair of panties. The room he was in was mostly empty aside from the bed, a desk and a dresser. The curtains were partially drawn, allowing a few rays of sunlight in.  
  
Wasn’t he on a Starship last night?  
  
Next to him someone stirred and Kirk glanced over. It was a small, blonde woman looking sleepily into his eyes. She looked gorgeous in the morning light, with her hair falling in messy curls around her bare shoulders and her smiling grey eyes peeking from underneath heavy eyelids. Kirk’s heart stirred in his chest.  
  
“Good morning,” she muttered in a melodious, achingly familiar voice and something clicked.  
  
Ruth. Beautiful, gentle Ruth. His first love, his first real friend, his… fiancée?  
  
“You look confused,” Ruth observed teasingly. “Expecting someone else?”  
  
Kirk grinned. “Never.” He leaned in and kissed her, the smallest peck on the lips.  
  
Ruth laughed. “Morning breath.”  
  
“Bed head,” Kirk shot back.   
  
The initial feeling of wrongness he’d had when he woke up was slowly melting away. He didn’t know why he was surprised to have woken up here. Probably because he had been on his ship just three days ago. But he was on shore leave now, staying at the old family house in Iowa.   
  
“We should get dressed,” Ruth said, but she made no move to get up.  
  
Kirk nodded. “We should.”  
  
Just then the doors burst open and before Kirk could react he was being jumped by an excited four year old. The kid shrieked with laughter as Kirk grabbed him to stop his squirming.  
  
“Get up, get up, get up,” the kid – Peter, his name was Peter- rambled. He shimmied out of Kirk’s hold and sat Indian style on the bed between Kirk and Ruth. “Nana made breakfast.”  
  
Kirk raised an eyebrow. “Nana made breakfast? Maybe we should just stay in bed then.”  
  
“I heard that young man,” Winona said, poking her head in the doorway. Kirk’s stomach dropped, but the feeling passed before he could properly grasp the meaning of it. “And I’ll have you know that I’m an excellent cook. Who do you think fed you while you were growing up?”  
  
Kirk wanted to say the replicator. “Dad,” he said instead, grinning cheekily. Peter giggled.  
  
“Don’t sass your mother boy,” Winona warned. “I busted my… behind off to make you a decent birthday breakfast. And you’re setting a bad example for your nephew.”  
  
“Nuh-uh,” Peter intoned. “Daddy told me never to talk like Uncle Jim.”  
  
Ruth and Winona laughed at that. “Whose side are you on?” Kirk grumbled jokingly.  
  
“Come on Pete, let’s give your uncle and aunt some privacy,” Winona ordered. “Happy birthday honey,” she said to Kirk.  
  
Peter jumped off the bed and took his grandmother’s hand. “Happy birthday!” He shouted as Winona closed the doors.  
  
“Do you think she noticed we were naked?” Ruth asked, reaching for her panties.  
  
Kirk chuckled. “Because God forbid my mother find out I’m sexually active, only thirty years old.”  
  
Ruth smiled. “Don’t sass me boy. And by the way-” She leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss on the cheek. “Happy birthday.”  
  
Kirk grinned back, but it was slightly forced. For some reason the words seemed foreboding.  
  
***  
  
“It’s a plant.”  
  
Spock raised an eyebrow. “A plant?”  
  
McCoy nodded. “Most likely,” he said. “I can’t identify it though. I’m not even sure it’s on any files, but its seeds somehow got inside Jim’s skull and now it’s grown and weaved around his brain and is making its way down his spine.”  
  
“What effect is it having on the captain?” Spock asked.  
  
McCoy snorted. “You mean aside from putting him in a coma?” He glanced down at his PADD. “It’s draining his blood. Very slowly mind you, at this rate it’ll take two weeks for it to completely empty him out, but I can’t get it to stop. When we tried to remove it, it wound itself tighter around Jim’s brain. It’s stuck there until we somehow manage to incapacitate it.”  
  
“I see.”   
  
“And I can’t just keep pumping donor blood into Jim either,” McCoy continued. “We have a limited supply, and there’s no way Starfleet would look past it if we used all of it on one person. Even if that person is the captain.”  
  
“What can be done?” Spock asked, the slight waver in his voice the only indication of his inner turmoil.  
  
“Find out what that plant is. If we don’t know what it is, we have no way of killing it without endangering Jim’s life. Start with that bar he went to last night. Whatever this thing is, it didn’t come from the Enterprise.”  
  
Spock nodded solemnly. They would figure this out and they would save Jim. And once they did, Spock was never letting him out of his sight again.  
  
***  
  
Kirk followed his fiancée down the stairs, unable to quite shake off his uneasy feeling. He could hear chatter coming from the kitchen along with Peter’s shouting. The kid had no indoor voice.  
  
Sam stood by the stove, flipping over pancakes. Next to him Winona was making sandwiches. Aurelan sat by the kitchen counter, her son settled in her lap despite her enormous belly. George was setting the table, talking animatedly to his grandson.  
  
The scene warmed Kirk’s heart, but there was something vaguely off-putting about it. Maybe he just wasn’t used to being back here yet.  
  
“Took you long enough birthday boy,” Sam teased. “Does it usually take you half an hour to get dressed?”  
  
“Sam!” Aurelan berated, looking pointedly at the four year old in her lap.  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
Breakfast was served and the family fell into comfortable chatter. Kirk soon forgot his uneasiness, chalking it up to a bad dream. He had no reason to feel nervous here.  
  
“-but they’re not willing to give us the grant unless we get some tangible results,” Sam finished and rolled his eyes. “Forgetting of course that we need the grant to test it properly, and if we can’t test it properly, we can forget any results, tangible or not.”  
  
“Well, you can focus on other things then,” Winona said. “Something that’ll keep you closer to Earth.”  
  
Sam shook his head. “This is important stuff mom. And I don’t want to just drop it; we’ve spent too much time on it.”  
  
Winona frowned. “I just don’t like both my babies being so far away. With you going to Deneva and Jim off gallivanting among the stars-”  
  
“On his own ship,” George cut in. “So we’re proud of him, right Winnie?”  
  
“Of course we are. Although he could call home more often,” she added accusingly.  
  
Kirk coughed awkwardly. “Well, you know how it is. I’ve only been captain for a few months, so I’m busy.”  
  
“Too busy for you own mother?”  
  
It was a joke, but Kirk suddenly felt defensive. He wanted to shout at Winona that she had always put her career ahead of her children, so why shouldn’t he put his ahead of her? But that wasn’t true- Winona was an extremely loving and caring mother. She’d always made sure to lavish attention and affection on her sons, sometimes to an embarrassing degree.  
  
They finished breakfast without mentioning work again and Kirk’s anger subsided, but a niggling feeling remained. What was with him today?  
  
***  
  
It was a well-lit, clean establishment, and yet Spock could spot three minor health code violations as soon as he walked in the door.   
  
It did not matter. He was not a health inspector and this mission was far more important than the twenty-one strands of tribble hair littering the counter.  
  
“It’s closed,” the bartender, a short, pale human told them gruffly.  
  
Spock nodded at Lieutenant Giotto, who closed and locked the door behind them. What they were about to do was not strictly legal by Federation law, but they had very limited time until the  _Enterprise_ must embark on its next mission.  
  
“I request to speak with the employee who was on duty last night at approximately 2300 hours,” Spock said.  
  
The bartender sneered. “You’re looking at him.” Although he initially appeared apathetic toward the two Starfleet officers, the sweat on his forehead and his shaking hands gave him away. This man had reason to fear them.   
  
“You served Captain James Kirk his drinks last night, did you not?” Spock asked politely. Behind him he could hear Lieutenant Giotto draw his phaser.   
  
The bartender kept his eyes firmly trained on Spock, knowing that despite Lieutenant Giotto brandishing a weapon, Spock was the one to look out for.  
  
“I served a lot of people their drinks,” the man said with false bravado. “One of them might have been your captain, but I wouldn’t know. I don’t keep track of those things.”  
  
Spock reached over the counter and grabbed the bartender by the shirt before the man could back away. “I will not ask again,” Spock said quietly, his anger radiating from him in waves despite his expression remaining the same.   
  
“Yes, fine, yes,” the bartender blurted, trying in vain to scramble away from the furious Vulcan. “I think I remember him coming in last night and I might have served him a couple of drinks. But I didn’t do anything to him.”  
  
“You are lying,” Spock stated. “I suggest you start telling me the truth, if you have any regard for your own life.”  
  
The bartender struggled harder, but Spock did not budge. Instead he tightened his hold on the man’s shirt and raised his other hand to the man’s face. “Bear in mind that I am Vulcan. I can extract any information I desire directly from your mind, but in doing so I would risk destroying it. I am giving you an alternate option; I suggest you take it before I grow impatient.”  
  
“You wouldn’t,” the man whispered. “You’re Vulcan. You don’t… you can’t hurt other beings.”  
  
“I am half-human and I most certainly can,” Spock promised. “My captain is in danger and it is my duty to protect him. Your mind is insignificant compared to his life.”  
  
He positioned his fingers, but before he could initiate a meld, the quivering human in his grasp broke. “No! Please, I’ll talk, I’ll talk!”  
  
Spock lowered his hand. “Well?”  
  
“I was paid… I slipped him something,” the bartender confessed. “Someone wanted your captain out of the way.”  
  
Spock put that information aside, focusing on the first part of the man’s statement instead. “What did you slip him?”  
  
“A-a seed. From some plant, I don’t know its real name, but it’s called ‘The Black Mercy’. It’s from Mongul, that’s all I know about it.”  
  
Spock let go of the man, and he dropped like a sack of rocks, unable to keep himself standing on his shaking legs. “Lieutenant Giotto, arrest this man for treason,” he ordered. “Find out who hired him. I shall take this information to Doctor McCoy.”  
  
He stalked towards the exit, ignoring the half-frightened, half-awed look in the Lieutenant’s eyes.  
  
***  
  
After breakfast the three Kirk men went outside to do some work. While most of the farm labor was done by machines (after all, Winona and George were both working for the Academy) George liked to put his sons to work. Told them it toughened them up, to which Sam always replied that he was the one who grew roses, so what did he know about tough?  
  
“The old barn needs some touching up,” George told them and handed them two paint buckets.  
  
“We’ll be out all day,” Sam complained. “It’s Jim’s birthday, shouldn’t we be doing something, I don’t know, fun?”  
  
“Sam, you’re thirty-four years old,” George admonished him. “Act your age.”  
  
Kirk laughed, but the uncomfortable feeling that something was off was back. George- dad- was right; Sam was four years older than him. So why was he talking like a bratty teenager?  
  
“We’ll start with the west side,” George commanded.   
  
While they painted they talked, mostly about work and family. Soon Sam put down the brush.  
  
“Break time,” he declared. “Gotta spend some time with the fruit of my loins.”  
  
“Don’t be disgusting Sam, no one wants to hear about your loins,” Kirk laughed.  
  
Sam stuck his tongue out at him. “Says you. I happen to have a beautiful wife who thinks otherwise.”  
  
“Whatever you two are arguing about, I agree with Jim,” Aurelan said, approaching them slowly, hand on her stomach and her other holding Peter’s.  
  
Sam clutched his chest. “You wound me, wife.”  
  
“Your heart’s on the other side honey,” Aurelan corrected him. “And I need to talk to you.”  
  
“That’s funny, I was just coming to find you and Peter.”  
  
“Yeah, so you wouldn’t have to work,” Kirk shot in.  
  
“Quiet Jimmy.”  
  
The small family headed back to the house, leaving Kirk and George by themselves. George soon put down his paintbrush and sat down with his back against the barn. Kirk followed suit.  
  
“When are you heading out again?” George asked.  
  
“Not for another couple of weeks,” Kirk told him.   
  
George nodded absentmindedly.   
  
“Is something wrong?” Kirk asked.  
  
George glanced down at his lap, before looking back into Kirk’s eyes. He had an oddly vulnerable expression on his face. “You know I love you, right? You and Sam and Peter and your mother mean the world to me.”  
  
Kirk furrowed his brows. “Dad-”  
  
“And I’m so proud of you,” George continued. “The youngest captain in Starfleet history. Hell, you could have been a janitor and I would have been proud of you, but this- you passed every expectation I could possibly have had. And I’m sorry- sorry I couldn’t always be there for you when you needed me.”  
  
“Dad, is something wrong?” Kirk repeated.   
  
George wiped his eyes. “No. Nothing’s wrong. What were we talking about again?”  
  
“Me being captain…” Kirk said uncertainly.  
  
“Right.” George smiled. “So any idea yet what your next mission will be?”  
  
Kirk allowed the awkward change of subject, but his father’s words lingered. What had brought them on?  
  
***  
  
Doctor McCoy had never heard of the Black Mercy. Neither had the computer banks. It was only by fortunate coincident that Lieutenant Sulu had.  
  
“My classmate told me about it once,” Sulu told them. “It stuck with me, it was so disturbing. I don’t know why I didn’t connect it to the thing in Kirk’s brain sooner.”  
  
“Well?” McCoy said impatiently.  
  
“It’s a telepathic, carnivorous plant,” Sulu explained. “It subdues the victim by putting them in a coma, reading their mind and feeding them a realistic dream based on their greatest desires. That way the victim won’t try to fight back. Then it devours the victim slowly. It takes months to digest someone Kirk’s size.”  
  
“How do we kill it?” McCoy asked.  
  
Sulu shook his head. “We can’t. Kirk has to wake up, so his body can fight it off. While the plant’s got him under his body won’t respond to any outside interference, and that includes his immune system.”  
  
“So we need to wake Jim up, and keep him alive long enough after that for his immune system to kill the damn plant so we can remove it,” McCoy recounted. “How long should that take?”  
  
“I have no idea,” Sulu said. “But I suggest you wake him up as soon as possible.”  
  
McCoy snorted. “Thanks for the medical advice.”  
  
“You are dismissed Lieutenant,” Spock spoke up. “Return to the bridge.”  
  
Sulu nodded and headed off. McCoy turned to Spock. “You have a plan, don’t you? Because I’m fresh out.”  
  
“Affirmative,” Spock confirmed. “I will meld with the captain and help him fight off the Black Mercy’s affect.”  
  
“And what if the plant attacks you?”  
  
“That is a risk I am willing to take.”  
  
McCoy shook his head. “I shouldn’t agree to this. We have no idea what it might do to your mind, and with Jim in a coma, you’re our most senior officer.”  
  
“If I feel threatened I will pull out of the meld,” Spock promised. “But do not ask me to give up without trying.”  
  
For a long, tense moment they stared at each other. Finally McCoy nodded his consent. “Fine. But I will be monitoring you every step of the way.”  
  
Spock’s eyebrow quirked. “That will be quite difficult, as melding does not traditionally involve walking.”  
  
“You know what I mean you pointy-eared bastard.”   
  
***  
  
They finished painting the west side of the barn in another three hours, just in time for lunch outside.   
  
“It’s not really a picnic,” Winona claimed, her words garbled around her sandwich.   
  
“You’re not supposed to talk with your mouth full, Nana,” Peter told her primly.  
  
“Listen to your grandson,” George teased. Winona shoved him not-so-lightly. “And why is this not a picnic? We’ve got the food, we’ve got the blanket, we’re outside…”  
  
“And we’re gonna play football,” Peter added.  
  
“See, ‘cause there’s no ants,” Winona explained. “You can’t have a picnic without the ants.”  
  
Ruth shuddered. “Then I’d rather keep this a non-picnic.”  
  
“Don’t worry,” Kirk said and kissed her forehead. “I’ll protect you from the big, mean ants.”  
  
Sam laughed. “You? You’re scared of  _earth worms_ , Jimmy.”  
  
“Which was a secret you were supposed to take to the grave, as I recall.”   
  
Ruth’s eyes widened. “He’s serious?”   
  
“I was five!” Kirk exclaimed. “And someone-” he looked pointedly at Sam, “- put a worm in my sandwich. I thought it tasted a little weird, so I looked inside and saw this little, slimy, half-eaten thing staring at me accusingly.”  
  
Everyone laughed, aside from Aurelan and George who were clearly trying their best not to.  
  
Kirk rolled his eyes. “Laugh at my pain why don’t you. Some family you are…”  
  
“He spit it out,” Sam continued. “And he let out the  _loudest_ scream-”  
  
“What was I supposed to do?” Kirk demanded.  
  
“You were  _five_. You should have shrugged it off and finished your worm-sandwich.”  
  
“Enough,” Winona said, trying to sound stern through her laughter. “It’s time for presents, and I think Jimmy would rather we weren’t laughing at him while he opened them.”  
  
***  
  
Curtains surrounded Jim’s bed, forbidding any unauthorized access. Both Jim and Spock were hooked up to machines monitoring their every bodily function. If anything went wrong in that meld, McCoy would immediately know about it.  
  
“How long do you think this will take?” McCoy asked for the twelfth time.   
  
Spock’s fists curled up in his lap. “As I have already informed you of, I cannot possibly estimate it. It might be seconds. It could be days. I have never melded with a being in such a compromised mental state before.”  
  
McCoy looked like he wanted to say something, but he wisely kept quiet. Spock turned to the captain, briefly observing his sleeping visage. In this state he looked so unbearably young and vulnerable and Spock had to take a few moments to let his fury at whoever did this to him pass. It would not do good to enter the meld while angry.  
  
He raised his hand to Jim’s face, gently positioning his fingers. He had melded with Jim a few times before, and always in the line of duty. Spock only hoped he would have the chance to do it under less urgent circumstances in the future.  
  
“My mind to your mind…”  
  
 _…my thoughts to your thoughts._  
  
***  
  
Kirk couldn’t imagine a more perfect day. The afternoon sun had just begun its decent in the clear blue sky, his family was laughing and chatting just a few feet away while his fiancée lay in the grass next to him, her sun-kissed hair fanning out on the ground and her grey eyes alight with emotion.  
  
“I’m sorry I didn’t get you a present,” Ruth muttered. “I tried to find something, I really did. But what do you get for the man who has everything?”  
  
Kirk brought his hand her hair and petted it softly. She leaned in and they kissed languidly, and Kirk allowed his love and affection to flood him. It warmed him, even more than the sunlight dancing over their skin and not for the first time Kirk wondered how he had been so lucky. Ruth had not changed since the day they had met- still so loving, so gentle. How could anyone want more?  
  
“Captain.”  
  
Kirk broke the kiss and looked to see someone standing above them, blocking the sun. He squinted his eyes. “Spock?"


	2. Chapter 2

The captain's mind pulled him in easily the moment he touched it. Warmth and affection surrounded him and not for the first time Spock wished he could linger here in this space between Jim's thoughts, this space filled only with his most basic emotions.

Instead he determinedly delved deeper into Jim's conscious. The further he went, the more barren Jim's mind became, until he reached a vast black hole. It was devouring and destroying its surroundings, Jim's very being. The sight made Spock slightly queasy. Had Jim's mind been damaged beyond repair? Would he ever be the same?

Knowing it would be of no use to speculate about such things at this point, Spock headed straight for the black hole, allowing it to swallow him whole.

He landed on the other side to a bright and quiet world, in stark contrast to the dark void before. It took Spock a few moments to realize that his consciousness was no longer floating freely among Jim's, that it was tied to a physical body. Or an illusion of one.

Just as he realized this he could see that he was standing in a large, golden field. Endless blue skies stretched above and in the distance he could see a stately farm. He walked towards it, instinctively knowing that the captain- or rather the captain's perception of himself- was in that direction.

Before he could reach the farm he saw a small group of people sitting on a blanket on the ground. Most of them bore some resemblance to Jim and Spock recognized one of them as George Kirk, looking just as young as on any holograph Spock had seen of the man.

It made perfect sense- the captain had always been denied a real family, so of course his dream of a perfect world would include his own, whole and happy.

Two people lay in the grass just a few feet away and Spock recognized one of them as his captain, but the other he did not know. It was a woman, blonde and with delicate features. There was no questioning the relationship between them. They leaned close together and exchanged intimate words too quiet for Spock to hear. Jim leaned in and kissed the woman and although Spock knew it was physically impossible, he could feel his heart clench at the sight.

He did not know how to react. This was Jim's illusion of a perfect world, his mind reminded him cruelly. They were Jim's deepest desires, laid out bare, and they did not include Spock, but a woman the Vulcan had never seen. She could be a figment of Jim's imagination, or a memory of a long-gone lover. It did not matter.

All that mattered was that in Jim's perfect world, she had taken Spock's place.

Spock stepped forward almost involuntarily. "Captain."

Jim broke his kiss with the woman and glanced up. "Spock?"

***

"What are you doing here?" Kirk asked, feeling strangely guilty about Spock having caught him and Ruth kissing.

"I have something urgent to discuss with you," Spock said. He sounded normal, but there was something tense about him. More so than usual, anyway.

"Can't it wait?" Ruth snapped. Kirk looked at her in surprise, but she was smiling pleasantly with no hint of her harsh words in her expression. "He's only got about two weeks of shore leave left. I'm sure whatever business you have with him can wait until then."

Kirk sighed and sat up. "It's okay, Ruth. Spock wouldn't have come if it wasn't important."

Ruth frowned and Kirk leaned in, fully intending to kiss the sullen expression of her face. Spock cleared his throat and Kirk sighed again.

"Shall we go inside?" He suggested. Spock nodded.

"Don't take too long," Ruth said, smiling once again as if nothing had happened. Kirk kissed her softly on the forehead and stood up, following Spock into the house.

Getting some privacy was easier said than done though. They tried the kitchen, but Winona and Aurelan were already there, putting away the dishes and gossiping. They tried Kirk's room, but Peter barged in on them before they had even closed the door (and Kirk would have kicked him out, really, but with the way the kid was looking at him… no wonder Sam could never tell him no).

They tried the barn, but George and Sam were just starting up on the south wall and could no doubt hear every word from outside.

Finally they got some solitude by just going far enough out in the field.

"I'm sorry," Kirk said. "It can be kind of hard getting privacy in a house full of people."

Spock said nothing, but Kirk got the feeling he wasn't so much pissed as… pained? Though Kirk had no idea why he would be.

"Have you noticed anything… unusual as of late, captain?" Spock started, tumbling slightly over the word 'unusual'. Something was definitely very wrong.

"Not really," Kirk replied. It wasn't until the words were out of his mouth that he realized that maybe he had. "I mean… should I have?"

Spock lowered his eyes, as if unable to maintain eye contact with Kirk. "So you do not find your family's behavior strange?"

Kirk frowned. Did he? It was hard to tell… "I… don't think so. Is something—Spock… aren't you supposed to be staying with Uhura's family?"

"Pardon?"

"I mean, with you parents on Vulcan of course you're going to be staying with your wife's family- you didn't get into a fight did you?"

Spock cleared his throat. "No, we did not. Additionally, Lieutenant Uhura and I are not married."

"What?" Kirk exclaimed. "But- you've only been on shore leave for three days. I thought everything was fine, you couldn't have gotten a divorce already-"

"Captain," Spock cut in, making Kirk shut his mouth instinctively, "Lieutenant Uhura and I have never been married. Thus a divorce would be quite impossible."

Kirk laughed. "Never been- Spock, that's ridiculous! You've been married for years- Admiral Pike performed the ceremony. I remember it, I was _there_."

"False memories," Spock said simply, "created by your own mind as a part of an elaborate mental prison."

"Spock, you're not making any sense."

Except Kirk had the odd feeling that he was, that Kirk was the one talking crazy. But that couldn't be. The wedding had been real. The memories of it were real. They were…

Spock grabbed Kirk's shoulders, the touch firm but gentle and making Kirk's heart leap for some reason. "Your father- he looks young, does he not?"

"So he's kept himself in shape," Kirk defended, startled by the change in conversation. "Probably from working on this farm for so long. There's nothing unusual about that."

"He looks younger than either of his sons," Spock countered.

"Now that's just insulting-"

Spock squeezed Kirk's shoulder almost painfully hard. "Do not attempt to turn this into a joke."

"Let go of me," Kirk commanded, feeling just a little bit scared, not that he would ever admit it. He hadn't seen Spock lose his temper since- no; he'd never seen Spock lose his temper. Had he?

Spock hesitated, but let go of Kirk's shoulders and lowered his arms slowly. "I apologize, captain. But it is important that you realize-"

"No," Kirk cut in. "You're tired and- and hurt. Understandable, I don't imagine you and Uhura get into fights often. We can talk when you're feeling a little bit more… not crazy."

The conversation was already starting to blur in Kirk's mind, but he chalked it up to some exhaustion of his own. It had been a long day after all, and maybe Spock's emotional distress was contagious or something. Kirk really had no idea what it was like to be around a heartbroken Vulcan. Because that was what was happening, wasn't it? Spock had left Uhura, he'd said so himself, and he was feeling confused and depressed because of it.

For a moment it seemed like the Vulcan was going to protest, but instead he inclined his head. "Perhaps you are right."

"Let's go inside," Kirk said kindly. Spock nodded curtly and followed him back to the house.

***

Jim seemed to have forgotten their conversation already, which put an unexpected wrench in Spock's plan. He had expected Jim to be reluctant to leave; he had even expected the plant to attack his mind in retaliation and he had planned accordingly.

He had not expected its hold to be so strong. He had not expected it to have Jim's mind, his memories, so completely under its control. And he had not expected to find Jim in the arms of another.

Again Spock felt that impossible tightening in his chest and quickly forced his mind off the subject. He was in a dilemma. He could not force Jim's mind to break the plant's hold, for it would most likely be destroyed in the process. Unless he had no other choice, Spock would not do that. Jim needed to figure out the deception on his own, and he had to choose to leave it.

But the plant had done more than built a fantasy. It was controlling Jim's mind, making it muddled and playing with his memories. Every time Jim started to question something about this reality, Spock could see his expression glaze over as his mind quickly disposed of the offending thought. Unless Jim could hold onto his suspicion that something was not quite right, his mind would never figure out that this was a fantasy.

The idea could not come from Spock. Jim's mind, under the plant's influence, would deem him unstable and dismiss his words as the ramblings of a lunatic. No, if Jim was to break free of the plant's hold he had to realize the truth of the matter himself. But that did not mean that Spock could not help him along.

***

One hour later, Leonard was forced to go back to work. As much as he would like to stay watching over Spock and Jim (even though he knew rationally there was nothing he could do) he had other patients to take care of. While most of the ship was in shock over the attack on their captain, the engineering crew was busy at work as always, injuring themselves.

This particular morning it was a clumsy, enthusiastic ensign with two broken ribs. Leonard patched him up, all the while grumbling irritably about stupid, unnecessary experiments and wasn't that damned transporter dangerous enough already? He sent the kid on his way, fully intending to return to his vigil when Christine burst into Sickbay, her cheeks red and knees shaking.

"They got the culprit," she exclaimed as soon as she caught her breath. "They're holding him in the brig."

There was no need for further elaboration. Leonard spared a glance at the drawn curtains in the corner. "Keep an eye on them," he commanded and without a second thought, sprinted out into the hallway.

"But I'm not even on duty," he heard Christine call just as he rounded the corner and out of ear-shot.

He might not be able to help Jim in his usual way, but he sure as hell wasn't going to sit on his ass and do nothing.

***

"I don't think it's such a good idea."

Kirk rubbed the back of his neck. "It'll only be a few days, a week at most. He won't bother you, he's a very good house guest and he can stay in my old room."

"Peter's already staying there," Winona countered. "And I don't like taking in another guest with the house as full as it is."

"Peter spends every night with his parents anyway," Kirk said. "And Spock's my best friend; I can't just turn him away at a time like this. What kind of a friend would that make me?"

Winona frowned. "I don't know, Jimmy. I think it would be better for him to stay at a hotel; he'd get more privacy that way. And you don't really have to worry about hurting his feelings."

Kirk rolled his eyes. "He's Vulcan, not emotionless."

"There's a difference?" Winona muttered.

"Mom!"

"Just let him stay," George said as he walked onto the porch, his shirt and pants splattered with paint. "We can't turn the poor man away. Besides, what's one more day?"

"But, George-"

"Winnie…"

Winona shrugged. "Fine. Alright. I know when I'm beat. He can stay. But I still don't think it's a good idea."

"Thanks mom," Kirk said and kissed her on the cheek. Just as he pulled away, Ruth's head peaked out of the window.

"Are you almost done?" She asked teasingly. "Because I seem to recall a certain fiancé of mine promising to show me the family pond, and I'd love a chance for some alone time…"

Kirk blushed, feeling slightly awkward to be discussing this in front of his parents. "Just a few minutes."

Ruth had been oddly territorial since Spock's arrival. Jealous, even. Which really didn't make any sense; it wasn't as though there was anything between Kirk and Spo…

Huh.

That mental image was strangely hot.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when Ruth stepped out, clad in her yellow sundress, with a bag in hand. She linked her arm with his. "Ready to go?"

"In a few minutes," Kirk repeated apologetically. "I need to help Spock get settled."

"I'm sure he'll do fine on his own," Ruth said with a dismissive hand wave.

Kirk carefully removed his arm from her hold. "Baby, you know I can't do that. Spock just left his wife, it'd be kind of insensitive of me to go off on a date with my fiancée at the first chance I got."

"Forget it then," Ruth snapped. "It's not enough for you to be working constantly on board, you have to bring our crewmates home with you on shore leave, too! I swear, all you think about is work."

"Ruth-"

She turned around in a huff and walked back inside, slamming the door behind her.

Kirk scratched his head. What had gotten into her? So he had to spend a few minutes with Spock. Did that really warrant such a big outburst?

"You should go in after her," George suggested and Kirk's ears reddened as he realized that his parents had witnessed Ruth's tantrum. He nodded curtly and fled inside.

Spock was sitting in the living room, a book in hand. Kirk wasn't fooled.

"You heard that, didn't you?" He asked as casually as he could.

Spock put down the book and looked Kirk square in the eye. "I apologize, captain. But there is no need to feel shame. Arguments are an inevitable part of any relationship."

Kirk nodded and sat down on the sofa next to him. "Yeah, I guess you'd know." He cringed. "Sorry, that was a dick thing to say."

Spock's eyes softened and Kirk suddenly felt strangely comforted. "Do not worry yourself, Jim."

Kirk's stomach flipped at the sound of his name falling from those lips. What was with him today?

"I assume your fiancée is not usually this temperamental?" Spock said offhandedly.

"No, she's…" Kirk frowned. Ruth had never snapped at him like that, had she? "She's never acted like this, actually. Wonder what's wrong."

"Have any other of your family members been-"

Just then Peter came running into the living room, followed by a sheepish looking Ruth.

"Uncle Jim," Peter said excitedly. "Aunt Ruth said we could all go to the pond, you, me, aunt Ruth and Mr. Spock too if he wants, 'cause he shouldn't be left alone wh-"

Ruth covered his mouth. "That's enough," she muttered laughingly. "What do you say, Jim? Accept my apology?"

Kirk grinned uneasily. She couldn't have been gone for more than a minute. Had she always changed tempers so quickly? "Of course I do."

Ruth's smile widened and the room felt a hundred times warmer. She walked over and leaned in, placing a firm kiss on his lips, which Kirk responded to without hesitation. He couldn't question her, not with that smile on her face. It was her smile he had first fallen in love with, and it still made him feel like a teenage boy, years later.

Engrossed in his kiss, Kirk didn't notice his First Officer staring at them with an ashen face.

***

The brig was heavily guarded, but there was only one person inside the cell itself; a small, red-headed woman. Her face was blank and her back stiff as a board, her hands resting in her lap. If not for the rounded ears and curved eyebrows, Leonard would have pegged her for a Vulcan.

The most shocking fact though, was that she was wearing science blues. This woman was a part of Jim's crew.

Someone on Jim's own crew had done this to him.

It made Leonard's blood boil. He didn't know this woman, had never talked to her, but as he looked into dull, grey eyes all he wanted was to punch her face in.

Leonard tore his eyes from her and forced his anger down. "She's the one?" He asked Lieutenant Giotto.

"She is," Giotto confirmed. "Ensign Bonne. The bartender pointed her out to us and after some searching we found the Black Mercy's seeds in her quarters."

Leonard glanced at the ensign again, but she showed no signs of hearing her name mentioned. "Shouldn't you be interrogating her, then?"

"We've already got enough evidence to convict her," Giotto stated, frowning in confusion. "A confession isn't necessary."

Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose. "No shit, Sherlock. But she had the seeds. Could it be possible that she knows how to, oh I don't know, _kill the damn thing_?"

Every security officer in the room shifted uncomfortably.

"The thought hadn't occurred to us," Giotto admitted.

"Of course it hadn't," Leonard muttered. "Bunch of idiots. Just… let me talk to her."

"I'm not sure-"

"Well, then do it yourself," Leonard snapped. "I need information on that goddamn plant and I don't care how I get it, but it had better be soon."

Giotto nodded curtly. "You should return to Sickbay, Doctor. We'll let you know if we find out anything."

Leonard closed his eyes and nodded reluctantly. Time to return to his vigil.

***

It didn't take long for Kirk to put his mind off his worries about Ruth once they reached the pond. It was a warm afternoon and the water was cool and refreshing and just fucking perfect. Kirk had forgotten how much he loved being planet side.

Ruth and Peter joined him in the water, while Spock sat at the edge of the pond with a book in hand. Occasionally Kirk would glance at him and find his First Officer looking at him with an inscrutable expression on his face. It sent shivers down his spine, though he didn't know why.

"Anyone home?" Ruth asked, shaking him out of his thoughts. Again. She sounded irritated.

Kirk turned to her. "I'm right here. What were you saying?"

"Never mind," Ruth muttered and climbed out of the water. Kirk picked up Peter and followed.

"What are you angry about this time?" He asked, feeling irrationally annoyed himself.

Ruth turned to face him, her expression livid. "Maybe you'd know if you weren't so busy staring at your First Officer."

What?

"What?" Kirk put Peter down. The kid glanced between them, a confused expression on his face.

"You heard me," Ruth said. "You've been preoccupied with something ever since he got here. How am I supposed to take that?"

"There's nothing between me and Spock," Kirk replied incredulously. "And I can't believe I have to even say it."

Ruth didn't look convinced.

"He's my best friend," Kirk tried. "And he's going through something right now. Is it so wrong of me to want to be there for him?"

"It is if you put him ahead of your fiancée," Ruth countered angrily.

"Oh for Christ's- I'm not putting anyone ahead of anyone! You're being ridiculous." The frustration was building up into a red-hot anger and Kirk was vaguely aware that he was shouting, but he found he didn't care. He felt irritated and lost and strangely uncomfortable in his own skin, and he had no idea what was causing it. It was wrong to take it out on Ruth, but at the same time Kirk couldn't care less. "I never thought you'd have so little faith in me, in our relationship. Not to say what you're suggesting about Spock."

Ruth looked taken aback. Her eyes were huge and lost, and her lower lip trembling. "Jim-"

"Save it," Kirk said. "I'm going for a walk. Alone. We'll talk when I've calmed down a little."

He left without another glance at Ruth. He didn't think he'd have the strength to leave if he saw the expression on her face again. To see her so hurt and vulnerable, or worse- to look into her eyes and discover the lie behind it. It wouldn't be the first time she tried to manipulate his emotions like that.

Would it?

His head was starting to swim, but he didn't slow down. Instead he quickened his pace until he was almost jogging.

How had his world turned around so quickly? He'd been so sure of himself yesterday, but now… it was like his whole life was a blur. The more he tried to remember, the harder it became. Had he and Ruth ever fought like this before? Had she ever snapped at him or acted so irrationally jealous? Had he ever given her reason to?

Did he even love her?

Eventually he tired and collapsed on the field, sweaty and out of breath. The sky above was still blue, but there were clouds gathering. The wind was beginning to pick up, too.

As the sweat cooled on his skin, Kirk began to regret not picking up his clothes before fleeing. It wasn't exactly the right weather for swim trunks anymore.

A shadow fell over him and for the second time that day, Kirk looked up to find Spock looming over him. In his hands were Kirk's clothes, folded and clean. Kirk smiled.

"I suspected you might need these," the Vulcan said calmly.

The young captain sat up. "You're damn right I do. I was beginning to think I'd freeze to death out here."

Spock raised an eyebrow and handed Kirk his clothes, but chose not to comment on Kirk's hyperbole.

Kirk pulled on his shirt. "I'm sorry you had to witness us fight, by the way," he said apologetically. "Again. I don't know what got into Ruth. I mean, suggesting that about you and me… that's just- I mean, it's- it's ridiculous, really. As if we would ever-"

Okay, shut up Kirk.

"It is quite alright, Jim," Spock interrupted softly and again Kirk's stomach flipped at the sound of his name. He and Spock were friends, but Spock had never been quite so familiar before. Kirk decided he liked it, even though he didn't really want to delve into _why_.

He stood up and pulled his pants on over his trunks. His ass would just have to be wet until he got back to the house.

Speaking off… it was probably about time to go back.

Except looking at Spock and his warm eyes and his gentle not-smile made something stir inside him and now the last thing he wanted was to return to the house where there were other people who weren't Spock.

Not to mention Ruth.

"Jim," Spock murmured and stepped closer. Kirk almost unconsciously did the same. Up close like this, he could see the pale freckles peppered on Spock's nose and the slightly green tinge in his cheeks.

"Jim." Kirk stepped closer again, completely involuntary this time, almost as if Spock were reeling him closer with the power of his voice alone. Desire flooded through him and pushed all feeling of guilt far into the corners of his mind. This… this felt right. Like somehow Spock was the one he was really supposed to be with all along and Ruth was just-

Ruth.

Spock leaned in closer, so their noses bumped. Kirk closed his eyes at the feeling of Spock's breath playing on his face, hot and sweet. Their lips were just inches apart.

"Jim."

No.

 _No_.

This was wrong. He had a fiancée. Ruth. Blonde, beautiful, kind, gentle and- and had he mentioned beautiful?

"Jim."

Kirk understood. Spock was waiting for permission, some kind of signal to proceed. But as much as he wanted to, Kirk couldn't give it. As right as this felt, Kirk knew it was wrong. He had Ruth and Spock had Uhura to win back. They were never meant to be more than just this.

"I'm sorry," Kirk muttered.

Spock pulled back, slowly, slowly, and all Kirk wanted was to pull him back in.

But he couldn't.

"Let's go back to the house."


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner was a quiet, awkward affair. Jim had yet to make amends with Ruth, who in turn had begun to ignore him. They sat on opposites ends of the table and did not speak a word to each other the entire meal through. Additionally, Spock could tell that he was not wanted. When Jim's family spoke to him it was mostly curt pleasantries and Ruth had taken to glaring at him openly whenever Jim was not looking.  
  
Although Spock knew none of them were real except for the captain and him, it was still the most uncomfortable he had been in years.  
  
After dinner Jim thanked his parents for the meal and left without another word. As Spock prepared to follow, something struck him.  
  
He collapsed instantly as his whole body seemed to go up in flames. Searing pain went through him, originating from within and spreading through his limbs, setting them alight. He screamed.  
  
 _"What the hell is going on?"_  
  
His every emotion rushed to the surface, nothing to hold them back anymore. His mind dissolved into chaos and his thoughts scattered and disappeared into nothing. Spock scrambled to get them back in order, but there was a presence in his mind, overwhelming him.  
  
 _"Damn it Spock, don't you dare give up on me. Who's going save Jim if you die?"_  
  
The world around him dissolved into violent colors of red and purple and he felt his consciousness slip away. He instinctively knew that if that were to happen, that would be it. His mind would be destroyed and he would die.  
  
***  
  
As the doors to Sickbay slid open, Leonard was greeted by horrifying screams.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" He shouted at a terrified looking Christine, who was pinning a squirming, screaming Spock to his chair. Amazingly, his hand was still glued to Jim's head.  
  
"I don't know," she cried back, her face red with the effort of holding Spock down. "He just started screaming! I'm afraid to let go of him, he might hurt the captain."  
  
"Shit," Leonard muttered. He rushed to Christine's side to help her. "Go get M'Benga," he commanded. "I have no idea if it's safe to sedate a Vulcan who's mid mind-meld."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Just go!"  
  
Christine nodded and ran out.  
  
"Damn it Spock, don't you dare give up on me," Leonard said to the squirming first officer, uncertain whether the Vulcan could even hear him. "Who's going to save Jim if you die?"  
  
***  
  
This morning Kirk had woken to endless blue skies and warm sunlight. Not a sliver of blue nor a single sunray could escape through the storm clouds that had gathered now. The trees swayed in the wind and fine mist had begun to fall, a prelude to what was to come.  
  
Kirk observed his first officer's pale face without really seeing it. He had a hard time believing what had happened.  
  
After Spock had collapsed and started screaming, Kirk had heard and had run back to the house. He and Sam had carried him up to bed, where Spock had shouted for a few minutes more before stopping. At the same time he had stopped breathing.  
  
Kirk's attempts at revival had been utterly unsuccessful. He didn't even remember where the heart was located in Vulcans half the time, so he shouldn't have expected results anyway.  
  
But this was  _Spock_. His infallible first officer and trusted confidante. The only person who had ever defeated Kirk at chess. His best friend. His brother. His soul mate.  
  
 _T'hy'la._  
  
Kirk didn't know what the word meant, didn't even remember where he had heard it, but it fit.  
  
His eyes grew hot and he closed them, suddenly very aware of his family waiting just outside the door. For some reason he didn't want them to hear him cry. His grief was his own and it somehow felt too big to share, even with his family.  
  
He ducked his head and rested it on Spock's lifeless chest, hiding his tears and taking comfort in the familiar smell of the fabric, even though he knew that there was nothing beneath it even remotely Spock anymore.  
  
And then, something amazing happened.  
  
He stirred.  
  
***  
  
After a while, Spock had stopped screaming. In the same moment Leonard let go off him and checked his vital signs. Normal. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. If Leonard hadn't witnessed Spock's fit, he never would have thought it happened at all.  
  
Of course, there was no telling the emotional or mental damage. Spock could be lost in there, even though his body was functioning perfectly. Leonard didn't have nearly enough experience with Vulcans to tell.  
  
 _'You never planned on leaving there without Jim, did you Spock?'_  Leonard thought bitterly to himself.  _'Not even if it meant your own destruction. And I was an idiot to believe otherwise.'_  
  
The Sickbay's communicator chirped. Leonard answered, fully intending to ream M'Benga out for being so late to respond to a crisis.  
  
Instead, Lieutenant Giotto's face filled the screen. He looked nervous.  
  
"We've got a bit of a problem," the burly security officer said.  
  
"What is it?" Leonard asked, his mind involuntarily running over every horrible possibility. Bonne refused to give up the information they needed. Worse, she had and the Black Mercy was impossible to kill. Or it was contagious and Leonard had unwittingly doomed the entire ship by not quarantining Jim.  
  
 _'It's a plant, Leonard. Don't be an idiot.'_  
  
"The suspect refuses to talk to any of us," Giotto said. "She asked to speak to you."  
  
"Me?"  
  
Leonard was surprised. He didn't remember ever talking to the woman, so what did she want with him?  
  
"Well, she asked for the captain's closest friend," Giotto conceded. "But I figured, with Mr. Spock unavailable-"  
  
"I'll see what I can do," Leonard said irritated and cut the call. With Mr. Spock unavailable? What the hell was that supposed to mean?  
  
Just then, Christine entered Sickbay, followed by Doctor M'Benga.  
  
"Spock's calmed down," Leonard told them needlessly. "But he needs constant supervision and I have to go interrogate our assassin."  
  
M'Benga nodded in understanding. "I will stay with him."  
  
Leonard hesitated only to briefly glance over Spock and Jim one last time. They looked no worse for wear, even after a few hours unconscious and one… seizure or whatever that was.  
  
The walk to the brig was a long one, but at the same time it ended far too soon. Leonard would have preferred more time to get his emotions in check. Preferably a few days. But in mere minutes, he was once again face to face with the woman responsible for Jim's condition.  
  
"You wanted to talk to me?" Leonard asked her, his voice carefully neutral.  
  
"You're not the Vulcan," Bonne said accusingly.  
  
Leonard ground his teeth. "You don't say. The Vulcan is incapacitated at the moment, so you get me."  
  
She observed him haughtily, before nodding briefly. "Good enough."  
  
Again, Leonard had to push down his anger at the woman. She had just committed attempted murder at the very least, and yet she was sitting in that brig, seemingly completely at peace with herself.  
  
"Why did you do it?" He asked.  
  
She smirked and her dull eyes transformer into something entirely different, something malicious. "Revenge," she said simply.  
  
***  
  
With a loud crash, Kirk's chair was flung to the ground, Kirk stumbling over it and following just moments later.  
  
No way had he seen what he thought he had seen  
  
And yet…  
  
He had stirred. Spock, who for all intents and purposes should be dead, had stirred. He had sucked in the tiniest breath and his chest had moved with it. Kirk had felt it.  
  
But it couldn't be, could it?  
  
"Jim?" Ruth called from the other side of the door.  
  
"I'm-" Kirk cleared his throat, "I'm fine. Don't come in."  
  
That last sentence was said in a voice almost an octave higher than Kirk's normal one, because at that moment, Spock's body had started to slowly rise into an upright position on the bed.  
  
"Spock?" Kirk whispered.  
  
Spock opened his eyes and Kirk's entire body sagged in relief. Those were unquestionably Spock's eyes. Brown, warm and completely human. Kirk didn't know how or why, nor did he particularly care.  
  
Because Spock was alive.  
  
"You're alive," Kirk said, amazed. His face split into a wide grin and he stumbled to his feet and to the bed, weak and shaking from pure shock. Spock turned to face him and blinked as something passed over his face, almost too quickly for Kirk to catch it. Determination.  
  
"Jim-"  
  
But Kirk did not let him finish. Overwhelmed with joy, relief and some third emotion he didn't fully recognize, he leaned forward, placed his hands on Spock's face and kissed him.  
  
It only took Spock moments to respond, and when he did, the world slipped into place and Kirk knew without doubt that this was where he belonged. Spock's arms encircled his waist and Kirk felt home. Spock's tongue entered his mouth and it ignited a desire both familiar and completely new. This was right. This was how it was meant to be.  
  
Kirk broke the kiss. "I thought I'd lost you," he muttered against Spock's lips.  
  
"Jim, I must-"  
  
"You're not allowed to do that ever again," Kirk cut him off. "I don't care if I have to lock you in your quarters for all eternity, but you are not-"  
  
"Jim, I-"  
  
"And I'm sorry," Kirk continued. "I'm so sorry I didn't do this sooner. When I realized I would never have the chance to-"  
  
"Jim-"  
  
"I love you."  
  
A beat.  
  
"And I, you," Spock whispered softly, his voice holding something vulnerable and immeasurably happy. He kissed Kirk again, a soft and tentative touch of the lips. "But there is something I must tell you."  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
***  
  
"Revenge," Leonard repeated hollowly.  
  
Bonne nodded, her expression completely serious once again. "I couldn't let him get away with it," she said. "He may be a big-shot starship captain now, but that doesn't change anything."  
  
"Why do you want revenge against Jim?"  
  
Bonne's eyes locked with Leonard's. "Because he killed my sister. He killed Ruth."  
  
***  
  
Kirk let go off Spock as if he'd been burned. In the doorway stood Ruth, her grey eyes wide and shining. Behind her stood the rest of Kirk's family, but as soon as they took in the scene in the small bedroom, they shuffled downstairs with quiet haste.  
  
The illusion had shattered. In those few minutes since Spock's incredible resurrection, Kirk had forgotten completely about the outside world. About his fiancée, whom he supposedly loved more than anything in the world. And now it all came crashing down again.  
  
Ruth glanced accusingly between Kirk and Spock. For a long while, none of them spoke and it was silent, except for the wind rattling the windows and the rain pelting on the ceiling.  
  
"Jim," Ruth finally said, quietly and calmly. "I understand that this is something you needed to get out of your system. But it's done now and I promise, everything will go back to the way it was before."  
  
Something inside Kirk cracked. Go back… no. That was the last thing he wanted. He'd finally found what he hadn't even known he was looking for, and he wasn't about to let it go.  
  
"Ruth, I can't," Kirk said apologetically, pleadingly. Ruth closed her eyes and pursed her lips.  
  
"You can," she said. "You have to. You love me, remember?"  
  
Kirk shook his head "I-"  
  
"Jim, I'm pregnant."  
  
Kirk stared. "You're-"  
  
"I'm pregnant," Ruth repeated and her lips widened in a familiar smile. Kirk stared at her belly. Pregnant.  
  
He was going to be a father?  
  
The thought terrified him and made him vaguely queasy, but he plastered on a smile and embraced his fiancée. "That's great, honey."  
  
Ruth laughed and kissed him. She called for Kirk's family. They arrived and from afar, Kirk listened to himself tell them the happy news. They hugged him and congratulated him and all Kirk could do was glance helplessly over his shoulder, at Spock, who was sitting on the bed, his expression completely closed up.  
  
 _I'm sorry,_  Kirk wanted to say.  _I'm sorry, but we can't be together. I can't leave them. Duty comes first._  
  
***  
  
"I don't know who you think Jim is, but you've got the wrong man," Leonard told Bonne. "Jim Kirk is a lot of things, but he is  _not_  a murderer."  
  
Bonne let out a humorless laugh. "You can believe whatever you want. It doesn't matter anyway, because Kirk is never waking up again."  
  
Leonard clenched his fists and brutally squashed his urge to punch Bonne. He had to reason with this woman. "Think about what you're doing," he said. "You're committing a murder. You're taking someone's life."  
  
"I'm making sure justice is served," Bonne hissed. "No one else would do it, so I took matters into my own hands."  
  
"You will spend the rest of your life in prison," Leonard warned. "Or a padded cell. Do you really want that?"  
  
Bonne shook her head. "Not gonna happen. I've eaten the Black Mercy's seeds. I've got maybe half an hour before it takes over my brain, and then I'm gone to where no security officer can follow."  
  
Leonard paled. "Get in here Giotto," he shouted. "I want this woman in Sickbay, right  _now_."  
  
"It's useless," Bonne laughed. "Once it's in you, it will never let go. It's impossible to fight."  
  
No, Leonard refused to believe that. "You're telling me it can't be killed?" He asked.  
  
Bonne shrugged. "Sure it can. Just so long as you don't mind killing its victim too."  
  
Giotto entered the brig along with another security officer and together they grabbed a cackling Bonne and dragged her off to Sickbay. Leonard cursed and kicked the wall, his carefully maintained control finally cracking. He closed his eyes against a threatening onslaught of tears. He would not give up hope. If anyone could do the impossible, it was Jim Kirk. Leonard would just have to trust that.  
  
***  
  
"I can't do it."  
  
Sam blinked. After Ruth's announcement and the family's small celebration, Kirk had dragged his older brother off to the kitchen, telling him he needed to confess something.  
  
"What do you mean?" Sam asked.  
  
Kirk threw his hands up in despair. "This parenting thing. I can't do it."  
  
Sam laughed in relief. "That's it?" He said. "You're just nervous. You'll do fine, despite having a less than stellar father figure yourself. Just be the complete opposite of Frank and you're good to go."  
  
Kirk furrowed his brow. "Frank…"  
  
"Who's Frank?" Sam shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Just know that you're going to be a great parent. With a father figure like dad, how could you not be?"  
  
"It's not like that," Kirk said empathetically. "It's not that I don't think I'm going to be a good father, it's that I don't want to be a father at all."  
  
Sam raised his eyebrows. "What?"  
  
"I don't want to be a father," Kirk repeated. "I never wanted to have children. Especially not now, when I've just become captain of my own starship. Especially… especially not with Ruth."  
  
"What are you saying?"  
  
Kirk shrugged helplessly. "I don't love Ruth anymore. I love Spock."  
  
Sam grabbed Kirk's shoulders. "Have you told her this?" He asked with a small shake.  
  
"No…" Kirk sighed. "Don't worry, I don't plan to."  
  
"You're damn right you won't," Sam said vehemently. "You've put that poor girl through too much already. You're not about to leave her for a cold-blooded Vulcan-"  
  
"Spock's not coldblooded!"  
  
"Listen to yourself," Sam half-shouted. "You cannot do this to her. You cannot do this to your child. You're not going to abandon it like our mother did to us."  
  
"Sam, what are you-"  
  
"Just promise me you'll stay together," Sam cut in. "If only for the kid."  
  
Kirk nodded. "We will," he promised.  
  
"Good." Sam let go of him. "Because I swear, if you left Ruth for Spock, that would be the last you heard from any of us."  
  
Kirk swallowed, trying to ignore the lump in his throat and the hollow feeling in his chest. In midst of all his inner turmoil, guilt and self-loathing for even thinking about leaving his kid behind, he couldn't help but think that Sam's reaction had been unwarranted. Family was supposed to stand by you, no matter what.  
  
Outside, the storm continued to build.  
  
***  
  
It was the smallest spike. A tiny little irregularity in Jim's heart beat. Barely enough to even register on the monitor, but it was definitely there.  
  
A few minutes later his eyelids flickered, just slightly. Another few minutes after that his hand twitched.  
  
Spock was doing it. Leonard didn't know how, but he was.  
  
He was freeing Jim from the Black Mercy's control.  
  
"You can do this," Leonard whispered to his friend. "You have to. Wake up, Jim. Please wake up."  
  
***  
  
 _-ake up._  
  
Kirk frowned. "Did anyone else hear that?"  
  
"Yeah, the storm's really picking up," George agreed.  
  
"No, it's…" Kirk trailed off. "Never mind."  
  
His brother's words still weighed heavily on his mind. Kirk had already decided that he would have to choose Ruth over Spock, but after talking to his brother he was beginning to feel like it would be a huge mistake.  
  
Which made no sense. Sam had told him that if he picked Spock, he wouldn't just be rejecting Ruth and their unborn child, he'd be cutting himself off from the rest of his family as well. When the choice was either his family or Spock, the answer should have been obvious.  
  
And still, when he looked over the living room, at the joyful faces of his family members (all but Peter, who was already in bed), his eyes inevitably fell back on Spock. It felt almost like… almost like Spock was the only real person in the room.  
  
But that was ridiculous. His family had always been the most important thing in Kirk's life, more important even than his career at Starfleet.  
  
For what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Spock's eyes locked with Kirk's from across the room and yet again, Kirk had to squash down the longing in his chest. He couldn't keep doing this.  
  
"I must talk to you, captain," Spock said suddenly. "In private."  
  
"Oh no, you don't," Sam said angrily before Kirk could respond. "Whatever you've got to say to Jim, you can say in front of us."  
  
Spock glanced around the room, but his expression did not waver at the borderline hostile looks Kirk's family was giving him. "We must leave, Jim."  
  
"Leave?" Kirk was confused. "We can't go anywhere in this storm."  
  
Spock stood up, and at the same time Sam and Ruth got up, blocking his way to Kirk. "Please, Jim," Spock said and Kirk could almost detect the pleading in his voice. "You must wake up."  
  
Kirk opened his mouth to protest, he was pretty sure he was already awake thank you very much, but for some reason he couldn't. He couldn't… there was something off and he couldn't…  
  
 _Wake up, Jim._  
  
"That's it," Ruth hissed. "You're out of here. I don't want you in this house and I don't want you anywhere near Jim."  
  
"Ruth-" Kirk got up, but George grabbed his arm and stopped him from stepping forward.  
  
"You've been nothing but trouble since you got here," Sam said. "I don't know what you did to convince Jim that you're worth his time, but you're not."  
  
"Jim," Spock said, ignoring both Sam and Ruth. "Think. You know this is not your reality."  
  
"No my-" Kirk muttered. His head was beginning to swim again. Images flashed behind his eyes, vague memories and people he didn't know and yet seemed so very familiar. In the distance he could hear the windows tremble as the wind picked up once again. "What's happening, Spock?"  
  
"You need to wake up," Spock pleaded. He stepped forward and several things happened at once.  
  
Sam grabbed his shirt.  
  
Spock let out a terrifying cry.  
  
Kirk rushed forward, catching the Vulcan just as he collapsed.  
  
"Jim, stay away from him," Ruth commanded, her voice shaking. "He's trying to manipulate you. Can't you see it?"  
  
Kirk didn't move from Spock's quivering form. Didn't think he could. Spock's screams had trailed off into small whimpers as he was clearly trying to get himself under control.  
  
"Jim," he ground out and Kirk could tell that it was taking up every bit of energy just to speak. "You must believe me. You must wake up, or you doom us both."  
  
"Don't listen to him," Sam said. "He's lying."  
  
But Kirk only clung harder to his first officer. "If this isn't real," he muttered to Spock. "Then what will happen once I wake up? Is my family waiting on the other side?"  
  
"Jim, you can't be serious!"  
  
The house was creaking and shaking dangerously now as the storm outside battered it. Kirk barely heard Spock's quiet response over the noise.  
  
"No."  
  
Kirk swallowed. "Then I'm sorry."  
  
He looked up at his family. At Sam, red-faced with anger, and Ruth, with quiet tears running down her face. At his parents, looking pale and more helpless than Kirk had ever seen them. "I love you all, but… but if you're not real, then I have to let you go."  
  
And he squeezed his eyes shut as the front doors shattered and the storm tore into the house. The world around them fell and all Kirk could do was tighten his hold on Spock.  
  
He woke.  
  
***  
  
Spock stood on the observational deck, enjoying the peace and relative silence around him. He had no doubt Doctor McCoy would track him down soon enough and he was resolved to take advantage of his solitude until then.  
  
Two days ago, Jim had once again done the impossible. He had broken his mind from the Black Mercy's hold and woken up from an apparently irrevocable coma, killing the plant in the process. When Spock had left he had still been asleep after getting the plant remains removed from his body the previous day, but Doctor McCoy had been optimistic in his belief that the captain would be back to normal soon enough.  
  
The one responsible for Jim's condition was now under the Black Mercy's control herself, voluntarily. Doctor McCoy doubted she would recover, but he did not seem to have given up on her yet. It was a quality Spock reluctantly admired him for.  
  
Behind him, Spock could hear the doors slide open and he did not need to turn around to know who it was. Staying in a meld with Jim for hours had made Spock incredibly aware of the captain's presence. He was slightly surprised he had not sensed Jim approach sooner, but he supposed he had other things on his mind.  
  
Jim walked closer. "I thought you might be here. I don't know why, but…" he fell silent. "I came here to thank you, I guess. Although thanks seem kind of inadequate right now."  
  
Spock turned. Jim wearing pajamas and there was a bandage wrapped around his head. He most likely did not have permission from Doctor McCoy to be out of bed yet. "You do not need to thank me," Spock said quietly. "I did only what was necessary."  
  
Jim smiled. "I'm sure you did." He cleared his throat, suddenly awkward. "Actually, I didn't just come here to say thanks."  
  
Spock waited for him to continue.  
  
"I probably should have told you this a long time ago," Jim muttered, "but I didn't. I've always been bad at sharing stuff. But here goes. It's about Ruth. Specifically, my relationship with her."  
  
"There is no need to discuss this now," Spock said quickly. "When you are feeling better, perhaps-"  
  
"No," Jim cut in. "I want to do this now. It has to be now. I need you to understand.  
  
"Ruth was my first girlfriend. Hell, she was my first actual friend. Back then I can't remember a single person actually wanting me around, until Ruth came along. Our relationship was… well, to be honest I don't really remember."  
  
Jim scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "When I look back on it, it always seems like it was perfect. And Ruth seems like the perfect woman. I know that wasn't the case, but I can't really help it. To think of her, of our relationship, as anything less than perfect seems almost disrespectful.  
  
"What I do remember though is that I was seriously messed up back then. I had some serious problems with authority and I was already getting into fights and drinking excessively. But Ruth was just this… this impossibly held-together person. She had it all under control. Until one day, when she suggested that we commit joint suicide."  
  
Spock blinked. He had not been expecting that.  
  
"I said no, of course," Jim said, "and she seemed to forget about it. But then, on our one-year anniversary, she brought the idea up again. I refused again, and she got angry and picked up a nearby steak knife. I was sure she was going to kill me, but instead she stabbed herself in the stomach."  
  
Jim shook his head. "I was in no way prepared for that. I didn't even call for help. I just… held her while she bled out. It didn't take long, just a couple of minutes. I doubt help could have arrived in time. But it seemed to stretch on forever at the time. And for years after, I blamed myself."  
  
Spock opened his mouth to talk, but Jim held up his hand, stopping him. "I don't anymore," he said. "Whatever mental issues Ruth had, she hid them too well. I couldn't have known what was coming."  
  
Jim sounded rehearsed, as if he had recited the words to himself a hundred times, to train himself into believing them. Spock did not doubt this was the case.  
  
"I thought about following her a couple of times," Jim admitted. "That was probably what she had planned when she stabbed herself. But when someone's given up their life to save yours, it seems kind of ungrateful to just throw it away."  
  
Spock stepped forward and hesitantly reached for Jim's hands with his own. Jim smiled gratefully and took them, sending sparks up Spock's arms.  
  
"I think…" Jim paused. "I think the reason Ruth was there in my dream and not you, is something part guilt and part convenience."  
  
"Convenience?" Spock muttered.  
  
Jim nodded. "Our relationship was simple, on the surface anyway. Easy to replicate. What you and I have is much more complicated. It's beautiful and convoluted and nowhere near perfect yet. At times I've even wondered if we made a mistake starting it to begin with.  
  
"My point is, if the Black Mercy had tried to copy that, or if it had replaced it with something easy and simple, I would have realized the deception right away. So it made me forget we even had a relationship at all. Does that make sense?"  
  
"It does," Spock assured him.  
  
"We have the potential for something amazing," Jim said. "I don't want to lose that because of some stupid fantasy of mine that has no basis in reality."  
  
"Nothing is lost," Spock promised. He leaned in, but just as his lips were about to touch Jim's, a thought occurred to him. "I apologize, Jim. It seems I forgot to wish you a happy birthday."  
  
Jim smiled and kissed him softly. "It's okay. I don't really celebrate it anyway."


End file.
